The Shakespeare Insult Kit

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bard =P

Update: Want to automate ye insults? There’s both Java and JavaScript code in the comments! (Thanks, shetboy!)

6 thoughts on “The Shakespeare Insult Kit”

Here is an example Java object that generates random insults. I thought it may be a fun way to learn a little bit of the Collections interface.

Anyway, re-format code as desired. (r3dux: Done!)

The object:

package org.r3dux.misc;

import java.util.Arrays;
import java.util.Collections;
import java.util.List;
import java.util.Random;

public class GenerateInsult {
	static Random wheel = new Random();
	
	private static List adjectives = Arrays.asList(
			"artless",     "bawdy",	     "beslubbering", "bootless",     "churlish",
			"cockered",    "clouted",    "craven",       "currish",	     "dankish",
			"dissembling", "droning",    "errant",       "fawning",	     "fobbing",
			"froward",     "frothy",     "gleeking",     "goatish",	     "gorbellied",
			"impertinent", "infectious", "jarring",	     "loggerheaded", "lumpish",
			"mammering",   "mangled",    "mewling",	     "paunchy",	     "pribbling",
			"puking",      "puny",       "qualling",     "rank",         "reeky",
			"roguish",     "ruttish",    "saucy",	     "spleeny",      "spongy",
			"surly",       "tottering",  "unmuzzled",    "vain",         "venomed",
			"villainous",  "warped",     "wayward",	     "weedy",        "yeasty" );
	
	private static List insults = Arrays.asList(
			"base-court",     "bat-fowling",    "beef-witted",    "beetle-headed",  "boil-brained",
			"clapper-clawed", "clay-brained",   "common-kissing", "crook-pated",    "dismal-dreaming",
			"dizzy-eyed",     "doghearted",	    "dread-bolted",   "earth-vexing",   "elf-skinned",
			"fat-kidneyed",   "fen-sucked",	    "flap-mouthed",   "fly-bitten",     "folly-fallen",
			"fool-born",      "full-gorged",    "guts-griping",   "half-faced",     "hasty-witted",
			"hedge-born",     "hell-hated",	    "idle-headed",    "ill-breeding",   "ill-nurtured",
			"knotty-pated",   "milk-livered",   "motley-minded",  "onion-eyed",     "plume-plucked",
			"pottle-deep",    "pox-marked",     "reeling-ripe",   "rough-hewn",     "rude-growing",
			"rump-fed",       "shard-borne",    "sheep-biting",   "spur-galled",    "swag-bellied",
			"tardy-gaited",   "tickle-brained", "toad-spotted",   "unchin-snouted", "weather-bitten" );
	
	private static List nouns = Arrays.asList(
			"apple-john",    "baggage",     "barnacle",       "bladder",     "boar-pig",
			"bugbear",       "bum-bailey",  "canker-blossom", "clack-dish",  "clotpole",
			"coxcomb",       "codpiece",    "death-token",    "dewberry",    "flap-dragon",
			"flax-wench",    "flirt-gill",  "foot-licker",    "fustilarian", "giglet",
			"gudgeon",       "haggard",     "harpy",          "hedge-pig",   "horn-beast",
			"hugger-mugger", "joithead",    "lewdster",       "lout",        "maggot-pie",
			"malt-worm",     "mammet",      "measle",         "minnow",      "miscreant",
			"moldwarp",      "mumble-news", "nut-hook",       "pigeon-egg",  "pignut",
			"puttock",       "pumpion",     "ratsbane",       "scut",        "skainsmate",
			"strumpet",      "varlot",      "vassal",         "whey-face",   "wagtail" );
	
	/**
	 * Generate an integer random number between the low and high values
	 * @param low the minimum random number boundary
	 * @param high the maximum random number boundary
	 * @return a random number between <b>low</b> and <b>high</b> 
	 */
	public static int randomNumber(int low, int high) {
		return wheel.nextInt(high - low + 1) + low;
	}
	
	/**
	 * Generate an insult using random numbers to access elements of the insult array lists
	 * @return an insult
	 */
	public static String randomInsult() {
		int indexAdjective = randomNumber(0, adjectives.size() - 1);
		int indexInsult = randomNumber(0, insults.size() - 1);
		int indexNoun = randomNumber(0, nouns.size() - 1);
		
		StringBuffer generatedInsult = new StringBuffer(50);
		generatedInsult.append(adjectives.get(indexAdjective));
		generatedInsult.append(" ");
		generatedInsult.append(insults.get(indexInsult));
		generatedInsult.append(" ");
		generatedInsult.append(nouns.get(indexNoun));
		
		return generatedInsult.toString();
	}
	
	/**
	 * Generate an insult using the Collections shuffle method to randomise the order of the elements
	 * within each array list
	 * @return an insult
	 */
	public static String shuffleInsult() {
		// Rather than get a random element simply shuffle the lists.
		// Then grab the first values from each list which will be random
		Collections.shuffle(adjectives);
		Collections.shuffle(insults);
		Collections.shuffle(nouns);

		StringBuffer generatedInsult = new StringBuffer(50);
		generatedInsult.append(adjectives.get(0));
		generatedInsult.append(" ");
		generatedInsult.append(insults.get(0));
		generatedInsult.append(" ");
		generatedInsult.append(nouns.get(0));
		
		return generatedInsult.toString();
	}
	
	/**
	 * Included so that a single object could provide a self contained runnable example,
	 * i.e. no client object required.
	 * @param args any passed values are ignored
	 */
	public static void main(String[] args) {
		for (int i = 0; i < 5; i++) {
			System.out.println(i + ": Shuffle => " + shuffleInsult());
		}
		
		for (int i = 0; i < 5; i++) {
			System.out.println(i + ": Random => " + randomInsult());
		}
		System.exit(0);
	}
}

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package org.r3dux.misc;

import java.util.Arrays;

import java.util.Collections;

import java.util.List;

import java.util.Random;

public class GenerateInsult {

static Random wheel = new Random();

private static List adjectives = Arrays.asList(

"artless", "bawdy", "beslubbering", "bootless", "churlish",

"cockered", "clouted", "craven", "currish", "dankish",

"dissembling", "droning", "errant", "fawning", "fobbing",

"froward", "frothy", "gleeking", "goatish", "gorbellied",

"impertinent", "infectious", "jarring", "loggerheaded", "lumpish",

"mammering", "mangled", "mewling", "paunchy", "pribbling",

"puking", "puny", "qualling", "rank", "reeky",

"roguish", "ruttish", "saucy", "spleeny", "spongy",

"surly", "tottering", "unmuzzled", "vain", "venomed",

"villainous", "warped", "wayward", "weedy", "yeasty" );

private static List insults = Arrays.asList(

"base-court", "bat-fowling", "beef-witted", "beetle-headed", "boil-brained",

"clapper-clawed", "clay-brained", "common-kissing", "crook-pated", "dismal-dreaming",

"dizzy-eyed", "doghearted", "dread-bolted", "earth-vexing", "elf-skinned",

"fat-kidneyed", "fen-sucked", "flap-mouthed", "fly-bitten", "folly-fallen",

"fool-born", "full-gorged", "guts-griping", "half-faced", "hasty-witted",

"hedge-born", "hell-hated", "idle-headed", "ill-breeding", "ill-nurtured",

"knotty-pated", "milk-livered", "motley-minded", "onion-eyed", "plume-plucked",

"pottle-deep", "pox-marked", "reeling-ripe", "rough-hewn", "rude-growing",

"rump-fed", "shard-borne", "sheep-biting", "spur-galled", "swag-bellied",

"tardy-gaited", "tickle-brained", "toad-spotted", "unchin-snouted", "weather-bitten" );

private static List nouns = Arrays.asList(

"apple-john", "baggage", "barnacle", "bladder", "boar-pig",

"bugbear", "bum-bailey", "canker-blossom", "clack-dish", "clotpole",

"coxcomb", "codpiece", "death-token", "dewberry", "flap-dragon",

"flax-wench", "flirt-gill", "foot-licker", "fustilarian", "giglet",

"gudgeon", "haggard", "harpy", "hedge-pig", "horn-beast",

"hugger-mugger", "joithead", "lewdster", "lout", "maggot-pie",

"malt-worm", "mammet", "measle", "minnow", "miscreant",

"moldwarp", "mumble-news", "nut-hook", "pigeon-egg", "pignut",

"puttock", "pumpion", "ratsbane", "scut", "skainsmate",

"strumpet", "varlot", "vassal", "whey-face", "wagtail" );

/**

* Generate an integer random number between the low and high values

* @param low the minimum random number boundary

* @param high the maximum random number boundary

* @return a random number between low and high

public static int randomNumber(int low, int high) {

return wheel.nextInt(high - low + 1) + low;

}

/**

* Generate an insult using random numbers to access elements of the insult array lists

* @return an insult

public static String randomInsult() {

int indexAdjective = randomNumber(0, adjectives.size() - 1);

int indexInsult = randomNumber(0, insults.size() - 1);

int indexNoun = randomNumber(0, nouns.size() - 1);

StringBuffer generatedInsult = new StringBuffer(50);

generatedInsult.append(adjectives.get(indexAdjective));

generatedInsult.append(" ");

generatedInsult.append(insults.get(indexInsult));

generatedInsult.append(" ");

generatedInsult.append(nouns.get(indexNoun));

return generatedInsult.toString();

}

/**

* Generate an insult using the Collections shuffle method to randomise the order of the elements

* within each array list

* @return an insult

public static String shuffleInsult() {

// Rather than get a random element simply shuffle the lists.

// Then grab the first values from each list which will be random

Collections.shuffle(adjectives);

Collections.shuffle(insults);

Collections.shuffle(nouns);

StringBuffer generatedInsult = new StringBuffer(50);

generatedInsult.append(adjectives.get(0));

generatedInsult.append(" ");

generatedInsult.append(insults.get(0));

generatedInsult.append(" ");

generatedInsult.append(nouns.get(0));

return generatedInsult.toString();

}

/**

* Included so that a single object could provide a self contained runnable example,

* i.e. no client object required.

* @param args any passed values are ignored

public static void main(String[] args) {

for (int i = 0; i < 5; i++) {

System.out.println(i + ": Shuffle => " + shuffleInsult());

}

for (int i = 0; i < 5; i++) {

System.out.println(i + ": Random => " + randomInsult());

}

System.exit(0);

}

The client:

package org.r3dux.clients;

import org.r3dux.misc.GenerateInsult;

public class ClientInsult {
	/**
	 * Shows how the GenerateInsult object can be used in client code
	 * @param args any passed values are ignored
	 */
	public static void main(String[] args) {
		for (int i = 0; i < 5; i++) {
			System.out.println(i + ": Shuffle => " + shuffleInsult());
		}
		
		for (int i = 0; i < 5; i++) {
			System.out.println(i + ": Random => " + randomInsult());
		}
		System.exit(0);
	}
}

package org.r3dux.clients;

import org.r3dux.misc.GenerateInsult;

public class ClientInsult {

/**

* Shows how the GenerateInsult object can be used in client code

* @param args any passed values are ignored

public static void main(String[] args) {

for (int i = 0; i < 5; i++) {

System.out.println(i + ": Shuffle => " + shuffleInsult());

}

for (int i = 0; i < 5; i++) {

System.out.println(i + ": Random => " + randomInsult());

}

System.exit(0);

}

Most impressive, sir!

However I’ll see your beautiful Java code and lower you some shonky JavaScript!

Brace thyself…

"bawdy", "beslubbering", "bootless", "churlish", "clouted", "craven", "currish", "dankish", "droning", "errant", "fawning", "fobbing", "frothy", "gleeking", "goatish", "gorbellied", "infectious", "jarring", "loggerheaded", "lumpish", "mangled", "mewling", "paunchy", "pribbling", "puny", "qualling", "rank", "reeky", "ruttish", "saucy", "spleeny", "spongy", "tottering", "unmuzzled", "vain", "venomed", "warped", "wayward", "weedy", "yeasty" ]; "bat-fowling", "beef-witted", "beetle-headed", "boil-brained", "clay-brained", "common-kissing", "crook-pated", "dismal-dreaming", "doghearted", "dread-bolted", "earth-vexing", "elf-skinned", "fen-sucked", "flap-mouthed", "fly-bitten", "folly-fallen", "full-gorged", "guts-griping", "half-faced", "hasty-witted", "hell-hated", "idle-headed", "ill-breeding", "ill-nurtured", "milk-livered", "motley-minded", "onion-eyed", "plume-plucked", "pox-marked", "reeling-ripe", "rough-hewn", "rude-growing", "shard-borne", "sheep-biting", "spur-galled", "swag-bellied", "tickle-brained", "toad-spotted", "unchin-snouted", "weather-bitten" ]; "baggage", "barnacle", "bladder", "boar-pig", "bum-bailey", "canker-blossom", "clack-dish", "clotpole", "codpiece", "death-token", "dewberry", "flap-dragon", "flirt-gill", "foot-licker", "fustilarian", "giglet", "haggard", "harpy", "hedge-pig", "horn-beast", "joithead", "lewdster", "lout", "maggot-pie", "mammet", "measle", "minnow", "miscreant", "mumble-news", "nut-hook", "pigeon-egg", "pignut", "pumpion", "ratsbane", "scut", "skainsmate", "varlot", "vassal", "whey-face", "wagtail" ]; * (max - min + 1) + min); theArray.length - 1)]; from each of the arrays... djectives); replace the content with our new insult! atedInsult').innerHTML = "Thou " + adjective + " " + insult + " " + noun + "!";

You have to mung it together with no white-space for it to work properly in WordPress, otherwise it adds stuff like tags on any blank lines, and that breaks it big time. However, that in itself is a useful thing to know – I only managed to figure out why it wasn’t working by going through the code with FireBug and seeing those pesky tags – and that’s when the code was entered in HTML mode not with the WYSIWYG editor, too! Very sketchy…

Anyways, the javascript for this is:

var adjective       = "";
var insult          = "";
var noun            = "";

var adjectives = [ "artless",     "bawdy",     "beslubbering", "bootless",     "churlish",
		   "cockered",    "clouted",    "craven",      "currish",      "dankish",
		   "dissembling", "droning",    "errant",      "fawning",      "fobbing",
		   "froward",     "frothy",     "gleeking",    "goatish",      "gorbellied",
		   "impertinent", "infectious", "jarring",     "loggerheaded", "lumpish",
		   "mammering",   "mangled",    "mewling",     "paunchy",      "pribbling",
		   "puking",      "puny",       "qualling",    "rank",         "reeky",
		   "roguish",     "ruttish",    "saucy",       "spleeny",      "spongy",
		   "surly",       "tottering",  "unmuzzled",   "vain",         "venomed",
		   "villainous",  "warped",     "wayward",     "weedy",        "yeasty" ];

var insults = [    "base-court",     "bat-fowling",    "beef-witted",    "beetle-headed",  "boil-brained",
	           "clapper-clawed", "clay-brained",   "common-kissing", "crook-pated",    "dismal-dreaming",
	           "dizzy-eyed",     "doghearted",     "dread-bolted",   "earth-vexing",   "elf-skinned",
	           "fat-kidneyed",   "fen-sucked",     "flap-mouthed",   "fly-bitten",     "folly-fallen",
	           "fool-born",      "full-gorged",    "guts-griping",   "half-faced",     "hasty-witted",
	           "hedge-born",     "hell-hated",     "idle-headed",    "ill-breeding",   "ill-nurtured",
	           "knotty-pated",   "milk-livered",   "motley-minded",  "onion-eyed",     "plume-plucked",
	           "pottle-deep",    "pox-marked",     "reeling-ripe",   "rough-hewn",     "rude-growing",
	           "rump-fed",       "shard-borne",    "sheep-biting",   "spur-galled",    "swag-bellied",
	           "tardy-gaited",   "tickle-brained", "toad-spotted",   "unchin-snouted", "weather-bitten" ];

var nouns = [      "apple-john",    "baggage",     "barnacle",       "bladder",     "boar-pig",
                   "bugbear",       "bum-bailey",  "canker-blossom", "clack-dish",  "clotpole",
                   "coxcomb",       "codpiece",    "death-token",    "dewberry",    "flap-dragon",
                   "flax-wench",    "flirt-gill",  "foot-licker",    "fustilarian", "giglet",
                   "gudgeon",       "haggard",     "harpy",          "hedge-pig",   "horn-beast",
                   "hugger-mugger", "joithead",    "lewdster",       "lout",        "maggot-pie",
                   "malt-worm",     "mammet",      "measle",         "minnow",      "miscreant",
                   "moldwarp",      "mumble-news", "nut-hook",       "pigeon-egg",  "pignut",
                   "puttock",       "pumpion",     "ratsbane",       "scut",        "skainsmate",
                   "strumpet",      "varlot",      "vassal",         "whey-face",   "wagtail" ];


function randRange(min, max)
{
       return Math.floor(Math.random() * (max - min + 1) + min);
}

function getRandomElement(theArray)
{
	return theArray[randRange(0, theArray.length - 1)];
}

function getNewInsult()
{
	// Get a random element from each of the arrays...
	adjective = getRandomElement(adjectives);
	insult    = getRandomElement(insults);
	noun      = getRandomElement(nouns);

	// ...then combine and replace the content with our new insult!
	document.getElementById('generatedInsult').innerHTML = "Thou " + adjective + " " + insult + " " + noun + "!";
}

var adjective = "";

var insult = "";

var noun = "";

var adjectives = [ "artless", "bawdy", "beslubbering", "bootless", "churlish",

"cockered", "clouted", "craven", "currish", "dankish",

"dissembling", "droning", "errant", "fawning", "fobbing",

"froward", "frothy", "gleeking", "goatish", "gorbellied",

"impertinent", "infectious", "jarring", "loggerheaded", "lumpish",

"mammering", "mangled", "mewling", "paunchy", "pribbling",

"puking", "puny", "qualling", "rank", "reeky",

"roguish", "ruttish", "saucy", "spleeny", "spongy",

"surly", "tottering", "unmuzzled", "vain", "venomed",

"villainous", "warped", "wayward", "weedy", "yeasty" ];

var insults = [ "base-court", "bat-fowling", "beef-witted", "beetle-headed", "boil-brained",